If you're looking for capriciousness and absurdity (and all-too-often, even when you aren't), there's no better place to find them than food blogs.
Never content to simply relay how a thing is done well, far too many of my colleagues are instead eager to (one can only suppose) make a name for themselves with a quest for "the ultimate," "the perfect," or, worst of all, "the reinvented." Even if the ultimate or perfect was obtainable and a reinvention was needed, the real focus of such essays is but rarely, if ever, on the food: It's all about how much more clever the author is than you are.
What brought all this to mind was an essay someone shared for "The Ultimate Scrambled Eggs." There were more than half-a-dozen ingredients, a wait time of at least 15 minutes between mixing and cooking, and heat that was far too high for a proper scramble and, moreover, bad for the nonstick pan they were using. Maybe it worked. Maybe it was even good. But The Ultimate? Hardly. What it was, was silly.
Here's all you need to scramble eggs well: fresh eggs, good butter, salt, maybe freshly milled pepper, and if you like them well-done, a splash of milk to keep them tender. You'll need a bowl to mix them in, either a fork or whisk to do that mixing, a nonstick coated pan or a well-seasoned iron or carbon steel skillet to cook them in, and a wooden spoon or silicone spatula to stir them while they're cooking.
You simply break as many eggs as you want to cook into a bowl, season them to taste, add that splash of milk if you need it, then beat them well. Warm a lump of butter in the pan over medium-low heat, add the eggs, let the bottom start to set, then start scraping the set egg up from the bottom toward the middle until they're all curded and done enough to suit you. It takes maybe four minutes from breaking the first egg to turning them out of the pan, if that long.
However, just in case you are a complete kitchen novice, or merely need to be reminded that more often than not the simplest way is usually the best, here's a detailed step-by-step of how to properly scramble eggs. I take no credit for what follows: it's a time-honored method that millions of cooks before me have used for hundreds of years.
The eggs should be fresh and at room temperature. If you don't have time to let them sit out of the refrigerator until they're warmed, put them whole (still in the shell) into a large bowl and cover them with very hot tap water. Let them sit for 2 minutes, then drain and pat them dry.
Crack an egg and empty its contents into a mixing bowl that's roomy enough so that it won't slosh out of it when you're beating it. If you're cooking more than one egg, it's a good idea to crack and empty them one at a time into a smaller bowl before transferring it to the larger one, just in case one of the eggs is bad. Add a pinch or two of salt and, if you like it, a little pepper (a few twists of the mill), both to taste.
Some like the eggs not to be thoroughly mixed, so that the yolk and white remain a little separate; some prefer them to be uniformly mixed so that the whole mass is evenly yellow. There's no right or wrong way: it's entirely up to you and what you like. If you prefer the former, beat the eggs together with a fork until the yolks have all broken, are no longer round, and are streaked into the white but still separate; for the latter, use either a whisk or a fork and beat until the eggs are a smooth, creamy uniform yellow. If you like them well-done, beat in a spoonful or so of milk or light cream to keep them tender.
Have everything else that will accompany the eggs ready before you cook them. Warm a serving bowl or individual plates and have it/them near the stove. Put a lump of butter into a nonstick or well-seasoned iron or carbon-steel skillet. The amount of butter will depend on your taste and on how many eggs you're scrambling, as, of course will the size of the pan. You need enough butter to keep the eggs from sticking and to lend a luscious buttery flavor, but not so much that the fat takes over and makes the scrambled eggs heavy and greasy. The pan should be big enough to leave room for you to push the eggs up from the bottom but not so large that they're spread too thin and therefore cook too quickly.
Warm the pan over medium-low heat. Yes, medium low heat. When the butter is melted and bubbly, swirl the pan until it's coated, then give the eggs a couple of strokes with the fork or whisk and pour them into the pan, scraping out the mixing bowl with the wooden spoon or silicone spatula that you'll use to cook the eggs. Let them set for about 15-to-20 seconds or until the bottom is just beginning to thicken, then push the thickened egg toward the middle of the pan. Keep doing this until the whole mass has started to curd, then cook, stirring almost constantly, until the egg curds are done enough to suit you. I like them very soft and moist, my husband wants them very well done and firm. Immediately remove the pan from the heat and transfer the eggs to the serving bowl or plates and enjoy them as soon as possible.
That's all. Congratulations. You've just made some really good scrambled eggs: not ultimate; not perfect; not cleverly reinvented; but just right.